I got a call from a good friend of mine yesterday. We hadn’t talked in almost a year and I instantly smiled when I saw his name and picture flash up on my cell phone.
Now, you may be questioning my definition of “good friend” due to the length of time between calls. Truth be told though, that’s not really uncommon for me. I go a long time without talking to people who mean the world to me. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t think about them. And…no, contrary to popular belief, I’m not a social misfit, a hermit or recluse. I am however one of those odd-balls who doesn’t require social interaction. Aside from that, I just rarely feel that I have anything to say that justifies bending someone’s ear. People have their own lives to deal with…I never thought they should have to waste their time considering what’s going on in mine…and personally I think there’s too many people on this planet flapping their gums just to be heard. It’s just the way I’m wired.
This call was awkward though. It wasn’t social…it was more technical. He had an issue he was dealing with and called because I was the one guy he thought might have the answer. Initially it seemed almost like a business call. He seemed a little apprehensive as we worked through his issue though…like he was waiting for me to blow up.
Once we got the bugs worked out of his situation, he thanked me for taking his call which was just too weird for me. At that point, I had to ask what the hell was going on. It seems that he’s spent the last year thinking that I was upset with him about something that was said the last time we spoke. I had…and still have no idea what he’s talking about. I can remember the conversation, but I don’t know what made him think I was pissed about it. He said he “just got a feeling” that I was angry. After we got past that we spent quite a bit of time on the phone catching up like old friends do.
Today I spent nearly six hours mending the garden fence. It was a beautiful day. Sun shining, a light breeze, great temperature…chickens, ducks, kids and dogs raising a ruckus on the farm…just a beautiful day. BUT, I couldn’t get the thought of that call out of my head. A year…a whole year he’d been sitting around thinking that I’m mad about something. If something terrible had happened in his life, would anyone have thought to call me? Three hundred and sixty some odd days he’d been leery of dialing my number for fear of some sort of repercussion…and I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. What’s worse is….this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me. As a matter of fact, it happens to me way too often.
As that fence and I were wrestling today I had a lot of time to think about that. The fact that he and I hadn’t talked for a year really didn’t bother me, but the reason behind the communication breakdown did. Then I started thinking about the other times it’s happened. Then I started considering how many other people could be wondering if I’m upset with them over something.
Okay…let me just get this out there…
I am direct, abrasive and sarcastic by nature. I cannot, will not and do not avoid confrontation in any way, shape or form. Profanity is part of my vocabulary and I rarely take time to consider whether the words coming out of my mouth are going to hurt someone’s feelings. In the company of people I’m comfortable with, few and far between are the instances where I see a necessity to filter my thoughts before they become audible…and even if I try to filter the words, the facial expressions will undoubtedly give my thoughts away. I’m pretty sure you could roll those character flaws up into a tight little bundle and assign one word to tie them neatly together…to most people that word would be “asshole”. Believe it or not I hear that often enough and I’m okay with that.
Along with those character flaws comes something else though. I don’t hold grudges. I don’t stay angry for long. Because I always lean into a confrontation and say what’s on my mind, once it’s out there it’s over for me, it’s behind us and we can go back to being friends. It really is just that easy for me. I have literally driven someone to the emergency room and waited with them while they got stitched up from the beating that I put on them right before I helped them into the car. (True Story)
SO…if you’re wondering if I’m pissed off at you…I’m not. I can’t think of a single person I currently hold ill will for at the moment…except maybe Michael Vick.
Just a little Hillbilly advice here…Mend your fences, Ladies and Gentlemen. If you’ve got issues with someone, air it out and get past it. If you think someone’s got issues with you, call them on it and air it out and get past it. Life’s too short to go through it with your own animosity or the fear of someone’s animosity weighing you down.
Trust me…once all that angst is out of the way, the world is much nicer place.